background

December 28, 2021

knowing and remembering

there's some sort of pain

knowing that somebody won't contact you for awhile

remembering that they loved and cared about you so much


there's some sort of pain

knowing that long texts won't work anymore

remembering that those were what made us closer to each other


there's some sort of pain

knowing that being cool is your style now

remembering that none of these shit mattered when you were with me





December 5, 2021

finally, we're here

"mbok udah to yang"

satu cerita terselesaikan dengan rasa yang aneh. pada akhirnya tak ada yang tersisa. aku.. tidak marah, tidak sedih, tidak kecewa, dan tidak ada apa-apa. apapun keinginanmu, lakukan sesuka hati, dari awal aku tidak pernah bisa untuk memiliki. 

"mbok udah to yang"

sialnya aku yang tidak pernah menyangka, dalam 1 minggu cerita kita menjadi berbeda. yang ku ingat, panggilan spesial dan pesan semangat pagi masih disampaikan sampai saat itu. tapi ternyata, peraturan permainan mendadak berganti dan aku dibiarkan kebingungan tanpa petunjuk yang berarti.

yang ku sayangkan, kenapa harus ada orang lain yang ikut campur tentang kita. tak cukupkah kuasamu untuk hilangkan aku? sehingga, pihak lain yang tak percaya padamu melimpahkan pertanyaan itu padaku? mungkin pengakuanmu itu memang tidak meyakinkan, karena faktanya...

September 13, 2021

i am wondering

 that black profile photo

leads to my curiosity

"are you alright?"


those deleted accounts of yours

make me worry

"how can i know you're alive?"


a year passed by

i couldn't find you anywhere

"but can we talk someday? anytime you ready"

i am the unknown

 in the sea of people

they're all strangers

not a single soul recognize me

and i'm terrified by it


i'm left behind

i'm the unknown

January 12, 2021

coney island

were you waiting at our old spot
in the tree line by the gold clock?

did i leave you hanging every single day?

were you standing in the hallway,
with a big cake, happy birthday?

did i paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?

a
universe
away

and when i got into the accident,
the sight that flashed before me was your face

but when i walked up to the podium
i think that i forgot to say your name

- tswift